I’ve been meaning to do a post about minimizing–getting rid of the garbage in your life, whether it’s stuff, or habits, or whatever. Then yesterday evening, I saw Wil Wheaton’s tweet that Andrew Koenig’s body had been found. I didn’t know him or his parents, other than having seen his dad on Star Trek, but somehow, his death struck me very hard.
Perhaps it’s the fact that despite his loving family and friends; despite his being in one of the most beautiful cities on this planet, he felt alone and unwilling to continue with life. I got even sadder when reading some of the comments on the various news stories–assholes talking about "dude needed to just man up" and things of that nature. Well, here’s my response:
DEPRESSION CAN KILL.
it’s not an option to "man up" or "get a grip" or any of those other trite and frankly, ignorant, pieces of advice. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance. And yes, it can be exacerbated by life triggers, but it’s not something you can just "shake off". I know this because I suffer from depression–which did not get diagnosed until about two years ago. I had no idea that’s what my symptoms meant. Hell, I didn’t even know they were symptoms. It wasn’t until a fabulous (and new to me) gynecologist sat and chatted with me for 45 minutes before my annual exam. She helped me realize that I’d been clinically depressed pretty much all my life. Unfortunately, one of the side-effects/symptoms of menopause and aging can increase the severity of depression, which is how I finally clued in. I’m on regular meds now, monitored by my primary care physician (who is also fabulous). It took two doctors who believe in holistic care (treating the patient, not the symptoms) to finally realize this. I’m fifty-one years old, people. I’m smart, a college grad. I’m a writer. I READ. And I didn’t know. I’m lucky that my depression was much milder in the past–who knows, if life circumstances hadn’t been kind to me, I may have ended up like Andrew Koenig, lost and alone in a sea of friends and family, ending my life because my brain chemistry convinced me that was the only answer.
I hare this with you all because sharing information can help. Too many people don’t talk about this because of the implied stigma.
If you suffer from depression or a loved one does, please do your best to seek help, if you haven’t already. This is an illness-it’s not just a "mood" or a phase. It can be a silent and deadly illness.
I am still sad about Andrew Koenig’s death and how much his family and friends must be hurting. I hope he’s found peace.
Comment
Glad you found wise practitioners who looked deeper into the person and the causes instead of just throwing pills at you. When you’re that down, you can’t see a way out. How sad when folks don’t have the strength to reach out to those who love them – but I sure understand it.
Wise post, Maria – thank you for sharing, and caring. xoxo Beth
Comment
Yes to all of this.
*hugs*
Comment
Word. I think I’ve had the opposite problem – I’ve spent most of my life knowing that I’m depressed but been unable to find anyone willing to actually help me do anything about it. And had a job where seeking mental health care means you will lose said job, so I figured unemployment would just make me more depressed and kept quiet about it.
Comment
I’d always been a glass half-full sort of person, and then for a host of reasons I found myself in a horrible depression that took me years to climb out of. It was a gradual sliding into the dark, inch by inch, until I woke up one day and the idea of putting a stamp on a bill was just too much. My depression was situational and I (sort of) dealt with the situation, but it took two years of therapy for me to actually ADMIT and VOICE that I’d been depressed. And this was AFTER the worst was over and I was on the upswing. I will NEVER let that happen again. At the first sign of those mean reds, I’m dealing with it. Thanks for this post. The more of us that say, “hey, me, too,” the less stigmatizing it will become.
Comment
Amen to everything you said. I went through a clinical depression back in the 90s and I was blessed enough that I didn’t have suicidal thoughts, but I could certainly understand them while feeling the way I did at the time. I get upset when others blame people who commit suicide. It’s very tragic that family and meds and doctors were unable to help him.
Comment
You’re 50? I thought you were 30-something – and that’s a compliment! Not that being 50 isn’t awesome, of course
I sought help and got diagnosed during high school. About 6 or 7 years now. And depression is such a misunderstood thing. People assume that I can’t really be depressed because I don’t booze, use drugs, [insert other vice here]. No self-harm, either. It’s not that I’m “not depressed enough” – just that I make myself face the world sober. But I’m one of the lucky ones.